Tag Archives: self love

Life’s aeration

aerators3

Life is a continuous string of aerations, pearling moments that we ease by or clunk over as eternal knots. We’re constantly easing and climbing where life often begins as a thick, anaerobic sludge. Breaking it down is challenging and can feel almost impossible to manoeuvre. Air lacks and signs point in a million directions.

Until life’s aerators switch on and we’re suddenly whisking in a big milk shake.

Aerators add air. Some are huge machines that are used to mix thick wastewater or sewage as a way of adding air where no air exists. It’s the important first step in treating and cleaning the sewage by supporting natural biological processes without the aid of harsh chemicals. The whole sewage treatment process is fascinating, as are the aerators, which appear as contraptions that Leonardo da Vinci may have drawn in the 15th Century.

Life is one continuous strand full of necessary aerations, of cleaning and sorting, of froth and bubbles full of a pungent pong as it attempts to move to an airy aroma. These aerations repeat in ebbs and flows, as the cycle of life.

The aerating process could extend for any length of time, a second, a few minutes or a week. We may catch a serendipitous ripple and flow past the aerators’ rotors onto the next pearl of where we’re meant to be.

Other times can be the extreme opposite where unfortunately for some, aerating that anaerobic pit can take a lifetime. It can mix us sick or we can become stagnant to whiz in the same place over and over again. Life can become stuck as we try to sort through the messy shit.

Celebrations and upset come and go, desires and expectations change or aren’t met. For some, it’s a taut succession of requirements and obligations that must be sorted and prioritised.
He has more than she, she wants him and he wants him too. Excitement and joy, loving and being loved, loneliness, death …

All merge into dreams of sleep that can haze a reality of feelings, of what’s real and what’s not, what’s true and not or what’s what.

The aeration can be slow and tedious or it can quicken through the night with glimpses of opportunity shining from under a blue moon. We reach and stretch and stop struggling against the aerators to instead, flow with them to whiz wherever life takes us. We’re spat out to continue to the next pearl in life.

Soon enough, we’re out of that aeration and past those knots onto pursuing those opportunities glimpsed.

At times though, being caught up in those rotors can become a comfort zone and the trick is in the letting go of the struggle to allow those rotors to shake us and lead us somewhere new. In letting go, the kinks in the strand of pearls unfurl to sit relaxed and loose, free to go where they need to go.

It’s a trick that I wonder whether anyone has truly mastered, magician or otherwise!

The form of kaleidoscope

Flower Kaleidescope

Broken and shattered, sometimes fractured, smatterings of shards of every size and shape.

It begins as a brittleness, a weakness that with every morsel sampled, dries more and more to become fragile until pieces suddenly snap off and fall away. Soon and without realising, they’re tumbling in gathered speed to free fall as an unknown journey to somewhere.

Snagging off scarps and clipping through craggy crevices that scratch angry, the free fall gathers momentum to hurtle towards a pit of devastation, a black hole with no landing. Pieces that once gelled to form the most glorious wings, flap in frantic fright as severely clipped with quills lost make wings useless to fly free.

Sometimes it’s not a slow fracture that bleeds to a fall but more a sudden and unexpected plummet from cloudless, blue skies, without warning or knowledge of any underlying delicate balance.

How and why …

A burly panic, a paste and patch to fill the cracks and invisible pores that even under a magnifying glass can’t be seen. Scraps and specks, fragments and flecks … somehow they must mend into one, to capture that essence of soulful core before it drains to depleted dry, before it becomes barren and desolate in a forgotten land. And then lifeless. And more struggle with the lifeless.

These chunks and slivers of shapes never seen before must rejoin with a super glue of the utmost strength and magical powers to form the ultimate bond.

Piece by piece, they mend back together to form something else, never in the original form that once was. New forma are made, new calluses spread over wounds and seams to strengthen that fragile resolve. These new forms are more beautiful and intricate than ever before with dents that dazzle in colours unseen and frays that frizzle to create a most unique and interesting kaleidoscope of form.

Sometimes though, the join or wound cannot mend and it becomes a permanent weakness where the slightest knock can damage severely. Sometimes, the super glue is inferior in quality or an imitation that’s simply a paste of flour and water, is used and the pieces can’t mend no matter what. Or if they mend, the first rain drop that skims the join becomes like sulphuric acid rampant on innocent skin.

It’s sad, heartbreaking. But even then, a new form is born.

As pieces come together and clipped wings mend, appreciate the intricate contours of form made, the breaks and falls, the welds that make up the unique and individual kaleidoscope of life.

The changing Want

Desires change, needs morph into something else. Solid and sound, flimsy and fluid.
Mermaid-Surfing-Sunset-Beach

Sometimes they come under a full moon illuminating a midnight sky, as gentle waves rippling into shore, where we might meet a mermaid and swim beside her to visit places only dreamed of. Other times they thunder in as booming surf smashing into a foreshore that’s stressed by rumbling, screaming storms. Beneath a moonlight smothered, we navigate uneven ground that shifts below our feet with each crashing wave, to sometimes land within the grips of a menacing shark.

How we think and what we do is no longer the same as what it was yesterday, nor what it will be tomorrow. You crave me yesterday and not today, I crave you today and not tomorrow. Not anymore.
Aspirations grow and drive us to dedications, glorious in their enthusiasm and distracting in their obsession. Infatuations can become lustful passions within that booming surf to erode our human facade and expose emotions raw.

Poles of extreme seesaw from desire to dislike, attraction to aversion. Yes and no, more and less. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up, to know what to do when, how to think and move and where to look – how to do at all. What to feel can baffle me, can baffle you. It’s material, and superficial. A yearning. A want.

So leave it. Let it be what it wants to be.

Allow the clouds to roll in, black and grey, and brace for the storm to come. It will go; it will pass when it’s done. Let the sun shine in pink and lime, bask in its tender, momentary warmth.

When it comes, and it will, roll with the ripples and soar through the surf. Blow in its breeze to go where it takes you. That way, you’ll ride your own rainbow to glide into your pot of gold.

Move with life’s ebbs and flows and let your heart do what it knows to do. Let your heart be, for it knows how to be.

Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place – ~Rumi

* This blog is part three to The want (part one) and The growing want (part two).

Transition II: Nurturance

Find yourself

Nurturance: emotional and physical nourishment, support and care given to someone; the ability to give such care.

Transition and nurturance go together. The two are like the rain and sun, night and day. The rain comes, dampens, sometimes floods us and brings the wind with it as its partner to wreak havoc and destruction. Then suddenly, we’re out of the storm and wake to the sun emerging, peering over clouds as if arriving with careful consideration of what’s gone on before. It slowly expands in shine to help grow life again.

Occasionally, that sun bursts past clouds as if to say, ‘Enough is enough!’

With life as a string of constant transitions, nurturance exists as the ability for us to care for others, as well as to care for our own self. But when we’re deep in transition, how do we find or summon that nurturance?

Sometimes that nurturance appears when we feel a small progressive step towards a goal we’re striving towards and which we’ve taken great chances on, or at the senseless passing of a another human who may seem to be a stranger but whose passing strikes so much more in us.
It can manifest in the simplest of grounding forms, as three children home from school crowding around me with two dogs mingling in between, at the ‘Aha, you did it!’ moment of one of those children’s impressive school report after years of struggle.

As I gasp for air while swimming my laps at the pool, I’m appreciative of my powerful breathe when I’ve just heard family news of a grandmother suffering with emphysema leaving this planet. I’m groundingly grateful, albeit in water, for the ease she has once again, and for what I have.

Ultimately, nurturance finds its way, just as Daphne flowers emerge to bask in the day-after sun of a winter solstice to permeate every molecule of air. Poet Rumi sums it up well,

Your heart is the size of an ocean.
Go find yourself in its hidden depths.

However sometimes, it’s not as easy as those simple words reflect and when I’m in deep transition and struggling for nurturance, I use KISS – Keep It Simple Sweeties. Following, is an earlier blog on KISS …

Sometimes life is about keeping it simple sweetie

Sometimes, KISS just doesn’t work. Life is supposed to be about keeping it simple stupid. Yet today, a drabness overcomes me and mutes me to make me question whether my heart exists.
I know what to do though, to connect with my heart and open that love channel again. I’ve learnt how to do it.

So I sit, albeit a squirmy still, close my eyes and ‘be’ in the quiet. I blank my mind and bar thoughts from entering, and begin searching for my heart. To my surprise, I can’t see it or feel it. I know it’s there though, pumping this muted life through me.

I look harder and see nothing but darkness. I glimpse a mass of black, thick tar that has dried rock hard over where my heart should be beating. At least I found where my heart should be.

I begin to visualise breaking through the crust of the tar, but not a budge, nothing. I can’t see my heart, yet I know it’s there suffocating, unable to feel and give, unable to care. I know I must uncover it so I can breathe again.

I squint and squeeze my eyes to envisage my heart beating under the shiny crust.

More, stronger, forcefully …

And there it goes, a pump bursts through to shoot off shattered black pieces of rock-solid tar into forever.

Streams of light begin to pump in and out as a light show of sunbeams blazing. My chest collapses. Relief.

I’m open again, breathing.

Now to the next step of being able to feel and give again.

Our hearts can shut down and our love can be battered and cloaked from time to time, but it’s an energy that never dies. It can become scared and vulnerable, and can go into hiding. It can be so easily hurt and smothered and sometimes feels too hurt to recover. It wants to shutdown forever. And why not? It would save a lot of pain that sometimes, can be too great to acknowledge, let alone overcome.

Yet I refuse to believe that the heart and love can be restrained or stopped, or lay dormant for too long. Love never stops and is endless.

One day, I asked a mother of thirteen how she could love all her children so equally, how she could have that much love for so many. ‘I just do,’ she said to me, calmly and reassuringly. I didn’t understand the concept until I had my own children.

Listening to one’s heart and love can hurt and send us into a black hole. The trick to recovery is to be gentle and understanding, to allow time for recovery even in the face of a gloom and smother greater than one can imagine.

I think a wise friend understood this when she said to me that maybe KISS should be Keep It Simple Sweetie.

Maybe that’s the secret, to be compassionate to one self as well as to others. Love is two-way after all.

Here comes that wind

winds of change

Do you hear it, pushing its way forward? Be still in the early dawn and attune to its faint whispers, its slow creep skulking up from a darkness that has lingered for too long.

It comes as hushed waves of heart beats from the depths of the Earth’s core, beneath barren fields of despair. It pulses up into my bones from the deep hole I stand over, as a celebration of drum beats from long ago.

Be still, and you’ll hear it too.

The rains have poured across the disrobed and desolate, across lands ravaged by devilish fires that must rampage for rejuvenating new starts. Dew of the wet lingers in the dirt and on bare limbs.

Musty and grounding.

The sun is beginning to warm as a final preparation, as a beckoning to that first green to break through crumbled land.

Alertness pricks the air. Crispness pierces the breeze that wafts in wimples.

We wait. We know everything will change as soon as that first bud bursts through. It will flourish and reach up high to new places never dreamed of.

The shutters will have peeled away and life will be exposed in its panoramic glory. And all across that barren land, more buds will bask in growth, in patches at first, until the land is full and thriving with opportunity and life once again.

It’s coming. My bones tell me so. And there’s a quickness around me, an anticipation. A whole new landscape is about to emerge.

It’s nature sending her winds of change. It’s human nature.

Regeneration

Sea_cucumber

A leathery-skinned sea cucumber can twist its middle like a liquorice stick and split into two. The two pieces then grow new backs and fronts to become two separate and whole sea cucumbers. They can violently contract their muscles and throw out internal organs through their anus, and regenerate missing parts within weeks. The starfish can lose a point and restore that limb within months.

Much can regenerate, including within humans.

On a physical level, tissues and fibres can grow back, as well as hair, nails and the liver organ.

I wonder about the essence or spirit of us humans though, our soul, and the extent at which it can regenerate. When our soul gets to that place where we feel we’ve gone down a cog or two in our ability to function, it’s then that regeneration of the soul needs to occur, to mend with time.

But as sea turtle hatchlings that dig their way to daylight and scamper to where their souls draw them, across warmed sand under the sharp eye of preying egrets, into waters where sharks wait ready to snap, navigating the regeneration can be a treacherous ride through frothing surf.

With a paining soul, we attempt to ride a wave without a surfboard or dodge simple obstacles that are normally no concern, sometimes meekly and with as great a sensitivity as heat passing over sunburnt skin. Such measure of mite can be exhausting, the noise so loud that nothing can be heard.

And yet the depth of strength needed to do that helps us grow and repair. We must find that peace of wherever that may be to hear nothing again, to sit and allow our energy to rejuvenate through its natural healing process, a nurturing process that the human spirit just knows how to do.

You know you’ve managed the wildest waves when you feel your body steady, sometimes precariously on the tip of wave where you can see still, inviting water ahead. You feel your heart skip and a glimmer of compassion within, you know you’re beginning to command once again.

Sometimes though, a human spirit cannot manage that mega-surf and we must say good-bye to a soul that does not renew in this world.

I salute those that are too pained to regenerate. I’m grateful to those that can.

Takeaway truth

Here’s a striking truth:

‘When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside.’ ~ Your Daily Woo

After reading that, I saw a feed on Twitter asking whether anyone knew of someone who had committed suicide and whether acceptance and unconditional love would have made a difference.

Pretty powerful question. I rarely respond to anything on Twitter but felt so compelled that I tweeted yes, but that it was far more complicated than having acceptance and unconditional love.

And yet within that complicated mix, something has to come from inside of us.

For me, that inside is about centring and sitting still to allow and feel all that is around me, to connect with my heart, myself as well as with others. In doing that, I feel gratitude for all that I have and experience, all that is around me. That wonderful grounding is something I’ve written about before in Keep It Simple Stupid.

Centring and connecting with my heart allows me to acknowledge and appreciate the love a teenage boy has for his younger brother while looking after him one night as he vomits into the toilet, and the love he has for me for not wanting to wake me. Connecting with my heart allows me to feel a passion and desire that can burst through me and remind me that I’m alive. It allows me to feel the deep, loving sentiment behind receiving flowers because I’ve had a battering week and not because it’s Valentines Day and that’s what you do on Valentines Day. And of course, it opens me up to feel my heart shatter.

Connecting with inside of ourselves means acknowledging that us humans are who we are with all our idiosynchronicities, it’s the real us without any outside influence.

When we can acknowledge that we can find love within us, we have what we need to live on this Earth. We find acceptance in that love and everything we need to survive and live, is inside of us.

There are no magic answers or solutions to life or living in this world. Sometimes we make it more complicated than it actually is and we can live a lifestyle that is so fast and materialistic, that we seek answers and expect them to be there instantly and without having to do anything for them.

But if we can simply connect to our centre, our heart, through meditation, exercise, sitting still or doing anything to help us stop and be grateful for all that is around us, we can learn to be in our own peace, to follow our heart in what makes us truly happy. We can find our self-love and with that, we will love beyond ourselves.

Our human spirit and soul naturally evolve and each day brings an element of evolution, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Some may evolve faster or slower than others, we’re all individual with our own paths to travel. That’s what makes the world so beautiful.

So if we connect with our heart, our inside, we have everything we need, and it comes effortlessly – love, hope, peace, faith, forgiveness, courage, gratitude, wisdom, and encouragement. We have divine love within us.

 

Takeaway truth | moni schott | Blog Post | Red Room

Takeaway truth | moni schott | Blog Post | Red Room.

Sometimes, life is about Keeping It Simple Sweetie

Life is supposed to be about keeping it simple stupid. Yet today, a drabness overcomes me and mutes me with a darkness to make me question whether my heart exists.

I know what to do though, to connect with my heart and open that love channel again. I’ve learnt how to do it.

So I sit, albeit a squirmy still, close my eyes and search for my heart. To my surprise, I can’t see it or feel it, but I know it’s there pumping life through me.

I look harder and sight nothing but a mass of black, thick tar that has dried rock hard over where my heart should be beating.

I visualise breaking through the crust of the tar, but no a budge, nothing. I can’t see my heart, yet I know it’s suffocating, unable to feel and give. I know I must open it again.

I squint and squeeze to envisage my heart beating under the shiny crust.

More, stronger, forcefully …

And there it goes, bursting, smashing black pieces of rock-solid tar into the air and shooting them off into forever.

Then, the light streams in and out, as sunbeams blazing.

Relief. I’m open again, breathing.

Love can be battering and cloaked from time to time, but it’s an energy that never dies. It can become scared and vulnerable, and can go into hiding. That’s the downside to opening up the heart. It can be so easily hurt and smothered and sometimes feels too hurt to recover. It wants to shutdown forever. And why not? It would save a lot of pain that sometimes, can be too great to acknowledge, let alone overcome.

I refuse to believe that the heart can be restrained or stopped though, or lay dormant for too long. Love never stops. It’s endless. One day, I asked a mother of thirteen how she could love all her children so equally, how she could have that much love for so many. ‘I just do,’ she said to me, calmly and reassuringly. I didn’t understand the concept back then, but I do now.

Listening to one’s heart and love can hurt and send us into a black hole. The trick to recovery is to be gentle and understanding, to allow time for recovery even in the face of a gloom and smother greater than one can imagine.

I think a wise friend understood this when she said to me one day that maybe, KISS should be Keep It Simple Sweetie.

Maybe that’s the secret, to be compassionate to oneself as well as to others. Love is two-way after all.

KISS

It was many years ago when I first thought about what that simple, four letter word meant. A word that is so easily thrown around by some yet can be so difficult for others to say, even though they feel it.

It’s a word that is with me every second of every day.

Love.

It can be so simple, and yet so, so complex. And I’m not talking about romantic love.

I was pregnant with my first child and feeling quite anxious about being a mother. I went to a session at a Reiki Centre one day and asked the guest presenter, a ‘spiritual’ man, what it meant to be a good mother.

‘It’s simple,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘Love. Simply love your children.’

I had no idea what he meant, but from then on, I questioned what this love was.

Some said it was unconditional love. But what did that really mean? I didn’t get it.

Then I heard that to love is to be open, and to open my heart. Again, I didn’t understand it. How do I open my heart? What did I need to do?

Years of contemplation and trying to understand, and I was starting to get it. Love is the KISS principle.

Keep It Simple Stupid.

Accept people as they are, their beauty and those things within them that are not so beautiful. We’re all humans. We all have our positives and negatives, passions, insecurities, things we excel at …

Still, I thought, how do I do that?

Then I started to meditate. It’s not a meditation that is new age, hippy stuff, or Buddha-centric, or religious, or whatever fan-dangled name you put to it. My meditation is simple. It’s to empty my mind, and to keep it still.

My meditation is to swim laps in an outdoor pool on a day that reflects dappled sunlight through huge gum trees, with branches that dangle freely and when no one else is about. Or to run a few kilometres by a river gushing with joy after heavy rain. It is to sit quietly, early in the peace of a morning when little stirs at 5.30, or with a group of like-minded people in the evening.

Meditation can calm AND energise me beyond understanding. It’s a way for me to relax and take time out, and allows me to not have to think about anything that I have to think.

It’s in this meditation, that I discovered opening my heart. For me, it’s been my secret.

I meditate, empty my mind as best I can, which is sometimes difficult to do with a million things racing about. And then I visualise my physical heart, and open it, expand it. Once I see it physically open, my love flows out and love flows in. I’m surprised by the surge that streams in and out. A peace overcomes me and stays with me afterwards, where people in the street smile at me and speak to me. I find myself smiling more and some who know me, say I look different, younger. I ‘love’ that side of it!! Nature’s anti-wrinkle fighter!

The more I practice this, the better I feel, the lighter I walk, and the more accepting of others and compassionate I feel. Everyone has a story, insecurities. Everyone seeks love of some kind.

So I think I’ve found my elixir of life.

Love.

Feel it, give it. Accept it. Accept people and life.

Understand, truly understand the circumstances. With that understanding comes compassion.

Be grateful for all that I have. Gratitude is a wonderfully grounding principle.

And above all, KISS.