The Want

A coy peek sideways and I hope to catch your glance, or even better, your smile. You must not see me steal that look but then again, l want you to catch me watching you, for then you’ll know.

You must know by now. My smiles and gestures, my hello waves. Surely they paint a masterpiece equal to a Jackson Pollock painting, of this sparking magnetic pull to you. Surely you see it, and feel it.

Standing there in your green check shirt in the late evening sun, wearing dark sunglasses to conceal looks that I hope come my way. I feel my body give in and draw into you.

Your smile that’s shy today, your swag. Great poet Rumi, knows how I feel,

 

In the waters of purity, I melted like salt
Neither blasphemy, nor faith, nor conviction, nor doubt remained.
In the center of my heart a star has appeared
And all the seven heavens have become lost in it.

 

My heart pulsates and moves up into my throat. My head spins. I should’ve been brash and spoken to you this evening. But had I, people all around would have glimpsed the Pollock sparks zapping from me to you.

I want to feel you and look into your blue-green eyes of agate without being afraid that someone will see. I want to crumble at your touch and be with you without time always running away. Our sporadic chats are never often or long enough, even when they snatch an hour in time.

It hurts to want so fiercely, churns my insides to battle as gladiators and fierce animals once did in Ancient Rome’s Circus Maximus.

I can’t tell you how l feel, for if l do, our friendship may be lost. Then you’ll be gone forever, or will you – I don’t know.

At least I have our friendship, as  contained as it is, and I ought to be happy with that. Yet it’s not enough and I want much more. I’m not sure that I can have what I want.

Maybe it’s better to have nothing, then the want will fade away. Eventually.

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